Turn ‘birthday blues’ into blessing

The concept of birthdays holds an aura of fun and excitement, yet many people anticipate them with dread. Whether it’s because of pressure (internal or external) that there should be some kind of amazing party, or negative associations with the way birthdays were celebrated (or not) in your youth, or anxiety about aging and where you are at in life, or any other reason, you are not alone if you feel less-than-thrilled at the thought of an upcoming b-day.

Cultural expectations surrounding birthdays range widely from community to community and from family to family. There are no hard-and-fast rules. If you’re feeling at a loss on how to authentically celebrate your, your spouse’s, or your children’s birthday, try dialing into the basics.

For adults: You were born and there’s a lot to be thankful for. Your husband was born and you can’t imagine life without him. That's the most important message to deliver, and a present or anything else that you decide to do is just an expression of that heartfelt gratitude. We don’t often have occasion to stop and appreciate the gift of life and the gifts in our life, so why not now?

For kids: Kids’ birthdays get a lot of fanfare in some circles. It can be hard, sometimes even impossible, to meet expectations for an epic, unique, socially spectacular birthday. Your best bet is to lead with this fundamental message: ‘We are so happy that you came into the world on this day, you brought so much light and happiness into our lives.’ It can be fun to reminisce about the details surrounding their birth—what time of day it was, the weather, who came to help out, who visited. Since the parents consider the day of their birth so significant, the child feels that she is loved, valued and important. If that energy comes through, any other celebratory markers like a cake, meal, party, or activity can serve to reinforce that message. Do your best to stay in tune with what the birthday boy or girl would truly enjoy, and forget what others think a birthday should look like. A celebration that is not comfortable for the guest of honor will not communicate the feeling that they are foremost in your mind.

With a little thought and care, we can make the birthdays in our life bring good feelings for years to come!