Teens & chores

Parents of teens worldwide are continuously baffled. How is it that the more capable teenagers become, the more skilled and strong they are, the less they seem willing to chip in around the house? Shouldn’t they just naturally see the dirty laundry/dishes in the sink/cluttered room and want to help out? They’re old enough to manage these tasks with ease, and mature enough to appreciate living in a clean space. Yet somehow, the dirty laundry remains stubbornly on the floor where it was left three weeks ago.

First off, stop trying to convince them why they should be motivated to do these chores. They’re obviously not. One day they might be, or they might not, but no speech will get them any closer to that bubbling urge for responsibility. Secondly, skip the lectures about how everyone has to do their part. A family home is not a shared dorm, in which tasks are divided equally among the members. If home were a democracy, your teen would have equal voice to say, ‘I don’t care if there are no clean dishes. There are plenty of plastic cups.’

Instead, try a bit of honest transparency: ‘I need some help here. Could you please put your laundry into the washing machine.’ It’s short and sweet (always appreciated), it’s authentic (teens hate hypocrisy, i.e., ‘It’s not that I need the help, it’s just good for you to learn to be responsible’), and you’re teaching essential relationship skills (when someone close to you respectfully asks for help, you should give it).

If you want to further increase the likelihood of cooperation, you can give your teen some creative freedom as to how or when they do the requested job. The more they feel they can do things according to their own style and schedule, the better attitude they’ll have toward the task. That doesn’t mean you can’t set any limits or deadlines, but if you can be content with them cleaning their room at 1am, painting the porch with music blasting, or piling the clean dishes in a teetering tower, you’ll find more things get done—not to mention a happier teenager and a more relaxed relationship between you.